Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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