I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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