What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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