I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
