Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Who died my cat blue again?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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