Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
