You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
