i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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