They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
