So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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