Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize