It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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