careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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