I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
