yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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