My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
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