those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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