i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
