i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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