sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
