I got chris browned last night
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize