But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
