Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
