I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
