how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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