New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
