I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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