4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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