I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
