I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
