Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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