My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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