why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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