Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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