I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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