The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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