You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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