She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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