He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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