I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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