Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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