don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
