I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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