My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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