Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
