i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
