Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
COCAINE IS GR8
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