help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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