there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
