ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
