Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she pinky promised me she was 18
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
