i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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