it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
