Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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