I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
