We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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