We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We need to get me chipped asap
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
