I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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