He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
