I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
