I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
