Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
two words...techno handjob
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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