it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
