If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
