I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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