Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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