you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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