standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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