We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
