did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
