I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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