I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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