we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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